Traumatized and Colonized: Reflections on Crowdfunding, Mutual Aid, and Trauma As Currency in Social Justice Spaces

Family, I write this with love, and it’s NO SHADE. I really want us, as a community, to interrogate our relationship to trauma, representations of trauma, and “trauma porn.” Many of us know now that constantly seeing images and videos of Black suffering and Black Death takes a detrimental toll on our mental health. I am grateful that many of us have moved away from sharing and reposting those kinds of things under the guise of “raising awareness.” This is a step in the right direction. At the same time, though, there is a consistent experience that I have found in my years of organizing; which is that as much as some of us like to SAY we don’t need depictions of violence to raise awareness about said violence, what we DO and how we ACT oftentimes indicates otherwise.

Many times, I have attempted to bring awareness to atrocities facing Black Trans and Queer people, Black women, etc., by simply stating the facts, making direct asks, and inviting impacted people to share their personal narratives. I often find that these things get little to no support (and I don’t just mean online, but in person too). However, when I go into graphic (and frankly, unnecessary) detail about violence or privately share (with permission) gruesome photos that are sent to me from people in need, that is what gets the response. That is what quickens people’s spirits! That is until they get desensitized and need their next dose of Black trauma. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. And very little sustained support becomes of it.

The requirement that Black people, especially Black women, Trans, and Non-binary people, bare our souls down to the white meat in exchange for support is a very WHITE, very CAPITALIST way of being. It says, “there isn’t enough to go around, so the oppressed must compete for our resources, attention, and love. The person who feeds our thirst for blood the most wins.” This is a colonial scarcity model that I refuse to participate in. I know and have SEEN that there are more than enough resources to go around. If April-June 2020 taught us anything, it’s that the money and “person” power IS out there. We should not and do not need to SEE visual representations of Black suffering to BELIEVE it is happening and feel called to action. Because I care about all of you, I WILL NOT share the grotesque photos and videos I receive on almost a daily basis from Black Trans and Queer people in need, nor will I honor requests from people to see photo evidence of extreme suffering before they donate. Donate or don’t, but I will not use Black Queer and Trans people as pawns to feed our twisted thirst for blood. I care about our collective mental health, and I believe that we don’t need to see these things to know these conditions are real.

I urge everyone reading this to ask themselves, “why do I need photos? Why do I need proof?” We’ve lived under white supremacy long enough to know what it’s giving.